The spirit of my unborn brother

Abortion, regardless of the reason is being done, would produce heavy kammic consequence for the mother, father, the doctor who perform it as well as others who help in the process (eg those who encourage or help provide money, transport to the abortion clinic) . The effects cannot be seen immediately but would require at least a few years.

I decided to write this article to share the experience in my family after witnessing MANY  cases over the years of those who have to pay the price down the line. This include ‘helpful’ friends or relatives (I have come across cases) that encouraged, ferry the mother or provide financial assistance that made the abortion possible.

Usually the family would not be in harmony, the husband may seek affairs outside, financial ruins, illness or accident that may involve other live children.

The finale would be the mother falling sick (either terminal or painful lifelong chronic conditions with no cure or having mental illness. The type of illness is determined by the mother’s energetic vulnerability. But almost always, physical pain is a common theme.

I hope this story serves as a lesson for anyone contemplating an abortion. As far as I know, all religions are against abortion and they don’t do this without a reason.

Long time ago, before ease of abortion could be done in a clinic, if it is unwed mother, some actually would go quietly to another place and give birth to the child and give it up for adoption. Sometimes, forgiving parents may just take the child to be their own, and the real mother becomes the ‘sister’ of the child. Now, because people don’t realize or belief in the consequence of abortion, they do it without much thought.

For the case of my mom, she did it because of danger to her health and her financial situation that time could not support another child. My late dad also made sure she did it. Sadly both my parents suffered the bad consequences of their action.

Here goes the story. You can also view the video with my narration in my YouTube channel (however, this blog post is more detailed):

My mom only told me about the abortion during my late teenage years. Even then, I have never connected the strange events I have experienced when I was a child to the presence of my unborn brother until when I was in my late 20s and into spiritual practice.


I am the eldest child in the family. Even when my mom was pregnant with me, my mom suddenly develop a life threatening condition (high intracranial pressure in her skull) that went off mysteriously the moment I was born. I was born via Ceasarian and not natural birth.

Then came my brother who was a huge baby, weighing over 10 pounds.. He was also delivered via Ceasarian due to his huge size.

The gynea warned my mom that due to my brother was a huge baby,  he had stretched her uterus paper thin. She was adviced not to get pregnant again as there was a danger her uterus may rupture if it is another big baby.  For sure any third child she would had cannot be carried to full term and would need to be born premature. Note: Those days there was an option to have the tubes tied to prevent future pregnancies but allowed only from the third child onwards.

About two years after my brother was born, my mom found out she was pregnant again. This time, my late dad was adamant she have an abortion to avoid any life threatening danger. He said no point of having a child if the family loses her. Furthermore that time both my parents had low pay and it would be a huge financial strain if they had another child.

A doctor in my mom’s hospital agreed to have the abortion done based on my mom’s medical condition. The procedure was carried out. Do note abortion is illegal in Malaysia but can be carried out if it is life threatening to the mother. My mom was just a few weeks pregnant, she discovered it after missing her period. The fetus was not formed yet. But my mom said, she always had a feeling it was a boy.

Few months later,  during Chinese New Year, my mom was baking some pineapple tarts where she used real pineapples and made them from scratch. She suddenly had the urge to drink some pineapple juice and drank some. Then she had some stomach pain and went to the toilet.

Imagine her shock when she thought she was passing motion but ended up a well formed placenta came out! Note: When my mom told me this years later, I suspected was because after the abortion, the spirit of the child still live within her, so the consciousness activated the growth and formation of the placenta.

The following are what I felt as a child growing up in the home. Bear in mind as a child then I had no idea about my mom’s abortion.

As a child, I used to feel afraid and errie in the house as it gets dark. My dad worked evenings and come back after midnite (he worked in the press) and my mom as a nurse worked shifts. When my grandaunt was alive, she used to tuck my brother and I to bed if my parents were not around. I felt very scared each time she left us. Often I would freeze in fear.

Because I always felt the bed move, as if something light got into the bed with us. Our mattress was those spring type so the slightest movement at another place can be felt on the entire bed.

We did have a nanny for a few years. One night, she came to tuck us in. She was on the bed, and before she left the bed, I felt the little movement of something getting up in bed and I froze. Then I heard her muttering, more to herself, ‘why there is a movement as if someone is climbing up the bed?’.  At least I knew then I was not crazy.

That fearful feeling would just disappear suddenly as the sound of a taxi pulls up at my front gate and my dad got out (I realized years later it was due to the strong’ yang’ energy of my dad then and I think the spirit was still terrified of him).

I often see a shadow near the toilet in our house. It is a shape of as if something was peeping out at me. When I was older and more brave, I tried to search for the source of the shadow, ie was it due to the light from lightbulb strucking certain items? But I could not find any angle where it may cause the shadow to be formed.

My mom loved dogs so we had always kept dogs ad pets. The strange thing was, NONE of the dogs ever lived long. The longest was 5 years and they either disappeared or died suddenly. It was only after my dad had passed and my mom got sick that the dogs we kept have longer lifespan.

My parents often fought due to misunderstanding. There was not much peace in the home ever since I was a child.

But what terrifies me the most was the unexplained feeling that both my parents were in mortal danger. I just could not explain it and that terror ate me up for years. The fear caused me to often go to the bus stop as a child to wait for my mom to get back from work and I used to quietly follow my dad from behind as he went out to work.

The danger of my parents

Not long after I came out to work after graduation, my mom got diagnosed with tonsil cancer and underwent a riskly neck surgery. Three days after her surgery,, my dad got a major stroke (his second stroke), slipped into a coma and passed away.

It was one of the most traumatic and saddest period of my life.

Both my parents went through life threatening situation almost the same time. After my dad’s funeral, I had no time to grief but had to focus on my mom who had to go through 36 doses of radiotherapy. She got so frail and as she could not eat much, her weight dropped by 27 kg within a short time.

My mom eventually made it. It took her a few years to recover from the damaging effects of radiotherapy.

The difference between my dad and my mom was spiritual practice. 10 years prior to my mom’s cancer diagnosis, she had s strong urge to start chanting. She took a free booklet from a temple where it contained the mantras of Tai Bei Zhou and White Robed Guan Yin and memorised it. She took the minibus to work so each day she committed herself to learn and memorise 2 lines. Then, she got up each morning to chant, then cooked for our lunch before going to work. By then she was working in a clinic during office hours but she still had to get up before 5am each day as she added in her 45 minutes prayer time.

I believe strongly that my mom’s spiritual practice had protected her from suffering the same fate as my dad.

Years later,  a spiritual teacher who came to my house  mom asked me if my mother had done an abortion as there was a spirit of a boy which was perceived near my mom. Actually spiritual masters often would know how many abortions a woman had performed by the number of child spirit they see following her because the spirits usually cannot leave and remain with the mother.

It is actually very difficult for a being to gain human rebirth. When a spirit is due to take rebirth in a mother’s womb but the pregnancy is terminated either through abortion or miscarriage, the spirit does not have sufficient merits to go elsewhere and take residence in another pregnant person. Hence it hangs around its mother.

As it watches the mother love and nurture its other live siblings in the shadows, the feeling of confusion gradually change to anger, resentment and a desire for revenge. Why them and why not me? Why mother did not want me?

The spirit would require time to gain its strength as beginning it would be quite ‘weak’. Then it would create vulnerabilities in their parents/family member’s aura and energy system. Certain negative emotions, lifestyle choices, genetics and environment factors causes certain areas in our body to be weaker. The spirit or any karmic creditors worked to systematically weaken these energies, and to encourage destructive habits that further result in the weakness, like drinking alcohol or smoking.

This process would take years till the energy imbalances in the person’s meridian and chakras are compromised enough to cause an illness. Sometimes, through just creating vibe of disharmony, the festered unhappiness in the person would cause energy imbalances.

This is a give and take account between the parents and its unborn child. The parents owed this spirit it life. Do note that protector beings and guardian beings are unable to interfere in other people’s kamma as there are spiritual laws that govern the unseen world just like there are laws in our world. What they can do is try to influence the person towards goodness and spiritual practice so that hopefully it would provide some spiritual protection.

If the mother resorts to going to bomohs and mediums to hurt, dispel or get rid of the spirit, it would usually work a short while. But the spirit would return as it is bound to its mother by kamma and by then, the anger and energy of hatred may be stronger that it can do more harm.

That explains why healers, especially energy healers who work to correct energy imbalances in such cases could potentially find themselves in a lot of trouble. They are ‘sabotaging’ the work that the spirit took years to do and would find themselves dealing with its wrath. It is like one person is being beaten up coz it has done the other person wrong. Then you tried to go in to rescue the injured person and succeeded. Not knowing the history why that person got beaten up in the first place. What do you think is going to happen to you?

When I quit my first corporate job, I actually spent a few months in spiritual practice to use the merits to dedicate to my unborn brother and get his forgiveness for my mom. He would then continue his practice at a temple till he has sufficient merits to take rebirth again.

Actually growing up, I have always wanted another sibling. I knew that if he got a chance to be born, he would have been a good and filial son. Just like when I have discussed with my living brother, if either myself or him was being aborted, we have no doubt we would be super vindictive, angry and vengeful.

I have created a playlist of videos which you can refer on real cases on how families are affected by abortion as well as teachings by Buddhist monks related to this matter:

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