Have you ever felt the sadness that you are feeling is so overwhelming that the only way out is to kill yourself? Did it ever occured to you that the voice or thoughts you hear that made your mental state spiral downwards may not be totally of your own?
Is it worth to end it all because of intigation from malevolent beings? I wish to share with you my personal experience many years back when I was staying in Penang.
But first, let me reiterate that not all voices we hear in our heads (termed as psychosis) are caused by ghosts or spirits. Sometimes it is due to chemical imbalances in the brain or mental disturbance. For cases of spirit interferance, think of it as a virus. Like a flu virus. We know this exist in the air and even dormant in our body. When our immunity is up, we will not get sick even though they are all around. Similarly, to help ourselves is to strengten ourselves spiritually so we will gain protection.
At one time of my life, I went through a very down period of my life which lead to depression. When I felt no one understood me, I would go out alone at night. From the place that I stay, I would go out after the sunset, catch a bus and let the bus take me around. I would prefer non air conditioned buses so that I could enjoy the breeze.
I felt the seemingly peaceful breeze resonated with the sadness I felt in my heart.
Few times, I went and sit at the emergency waiting area of Penang General Hospital. The hospital is old and there are many old trees surrounding the place (it may have changed now). I have no business there but I ‘discovered’ the place by chance. It was very strange, I felt the energy in the place totally resonated, emphatized and understood how I felt.
If you have been through depression, sadness or grief you would feel that no one understands you. Yes people may listen and feel sorry but they really do not understand your pain, right?
I want to tell you, it is a BIG, BIG MISTAKE. Continue seeking out places that make you feel like this and it will be the beginning of a downward spiral. Anyway let’s continue…
Then after that, I would usually hop on to another bus to go to the Penang jetty. It was always windy there. I would take a ferry across Butterworth and then wait for a while before taking the ferry back. Then hop on to the bus to take me back to the apartment that I was staying in.
Bear in mind Penang General Hospital is probably the oldest hospital in Penang. Many people had went to the emergency and never made it out alive. Essentially I was asking for trouble going out at night where my aura and shields were weak due to my emotional state.
In the beginning, you would feel the sadness in these old places resonated with the despair you feel in your heart. You may feel as if there is a sympathetic energy that really understood your sadness and feel sorry for you.
But pretty soon, like in a horror movie, things would slowly start to turn sinister. It is no joke.
You would start to receive impressions in your thoughts about suicide. And your emotional pain seemed to get worse and worse. Somehow your interaction with family and friends stop going on smoothly.
Few months into my occassional solo night travels, I was standing on the balcony of my apartment at the 8th floor. I was feeling very sad that time.
Then I heard it.
A soft, pursuasive female voice telling me she understood my pain. She said the only way I could take away the pain is to jump down and kill myself. End it all and the pain would be all gone. I remember looking downwards and feeling an inviting magnetic pull to jump.
There was no one around that time.
What the??!! Who was that? I got a huge shock of my life. How did I allow this to happen?
In the shock, I realized that was not my voice. Something was instigating me to jump. But she made a mistake. I was terrified of heights so no way I would have the guts to climb over the balcony.
I also came to the realization that it was my own doing. That I had allowed my shields and protective energies to weaken so much that I start hearing voices that ask me to go kill myself.
It was then I decided I need to find a way out, snap out of it. Slowly I started my own spiritual practice. Because I don’t want to be like ‘mati katak’ and die in vain. I know I need to build up a stronger protection shield.
But over the years, I have read and come across accounts from suicide survivors. Many had also said they heard a persistent voice in their head to go kill themselves. I often wonder if the voice is really their own….
In severe cases, it is necessary to see a psychiatrist to have medicine prescribed to manage the voices in the mind. But while the doctor is treating the mind, please consider deepening one’s spiritual practice based on one’s faith. Every religion has a way of practice either through prayers or mantra recitation that helps with spiritual protection.
If we become more aware, we may notice that there is something that seemed to fuel the depressive thoughts. Most of the time when we are down, it is as if we also open our aura and ended up with all sorts of entities latching themselves at us.
It is like when we were little and got bully, and the bully kept taunting us to go kill ourselves. It is our life, for goodness sake. Why should we ever let anyone or anything dictate for us what to do? And have we ever thought about the pain we bring to people around us especially our parents if we choose to end ourselves?
I discovered the video by Master Jing Kong. In the video, he explained that ghosts who die by suicide would look for a replacement before they can leave the place. Don’t be that replacement, please.
He mentioned about voices urging him to jump and that he must die. Eventually he got professional help and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
By the way, he mentioned in another video that he survived because a sea lion saved him.